27 Reasons Real Writers Don't Write Listicles on Substack

Writing on Substack isn’t about clout. Unlike all of those other places we no longer hang out online, Substack authors (and artists) ~~don’t write~~ for likes, follows, fans, subscribers and sales. Like the Buddha taught us long ago, there is no ego in art, nor an I in team. (there is of course, paradoxically, a “me” but that’s only if you move some letters around which is hard to do in Sanskrit when you’re meditating all day)
On second thought, fuck it. Listicles are awesome. We’re not a super smart species, and who doesn’t love a tiny list of big reasons Ryan Gosling looked better before he did something strange to his face. That’s not to say my girlfriend agrees - I’m just putting it out there because after 40 it’s unusual for one’s cheekbones to bloom.
Anyway, listicles are great - and don’t let any of those faux wisdom drops that tell you otherwise, in bullets, rather than numbers. That’s just a formatting thing, dude. You can’t use 10 bullets and then tell me it’s not a listicle. It’s the same damn thing.
You can stop reading now. There are no more items on this list.
It’s just 4 items. The other 23 aren’t coming. Keep being awesome. And long live buzzfeed.
PS - this was sorta kinda inspired by this trying to be wise yet completely contrived list I read yesterday - a good reminder, as Pantajali taught us in the Yoga Sutras, you can’t believe everything you read on the internet.