Fatherhood
Raising a son is real work, but we have to get this right, because if we don’t teach our sons, the world will. If we don’t teach our sons about women, pornography will. If we don’t teach our sons about friendship, they’ll live a life of loneliness. If we don’t teach our sons about leadership, they’ll be followers all of their lives. Being a father
... See moreDavid Kinnaman • The Intentional Father
dads’ greater tendency to take their children to parks or playgrounds, or teach them by doing, such as being a “sous-chef” with dad in the kitchen. They also missed the games dads tend to create to make otherwise boring activities fun—such as turning a shopping cart into a basketball hoop and toilet paper into a ball.
John Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
Between quality childcare and longer parental leaves, the bigger contributor to a healthy and productive son is a longer parental leave.
John Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
After dads’ tendency to tease, nothing creates more conflict between moms and dads than dads’ much greater propensity to roughhouse. Roughhousing often scares a mom, because her fear for her children’s safety is amplified by the appearance that dad is behaving like another kid, which mom translates as, “No one’s responsible here.” The solution begi
... See moreJohn Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
During roughhousing, dads and kids are typically 100 percent energized, laughing, spontaneous, and, yes, silly. The dads were almost always able to distinguish between their son or daughter being excited-scared and scared-scared. When the dad picked up any sense of his son or daughter being scared-scared, he backed off.
John Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
We have seen that the amount of time a father spends with a child is “one of the strongest predictors of empathy in adulthood.”6 Teaching a child to treat boundaries seriously teaches him or her to respect the needs of others.
John Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
being an involved dad creates a “dad brain” that replaces his single-man desires. He’ll experience a decrease in the testosterone previously used in the hunt for sex and recovery after rejection, and an increase in oxytocin emanating from the joys of loving and being loved by an infant who needs him.
John Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
A dad needs to be able to contribute a countervailing consideration to mom’s fear: the value of learning to explore with dad as a GPS as needed, so they don’t get too lost.
John Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
“My mom warns and warns; it’s like she ‘cries wolf.’ My dad gives us one warning, and then he becomes the wolf.”
John Gray PhD • The Boy Crisis
Role of a father
They have different ways of setting boundaries and enforcing boundaries; exploring in nature; roughhousing; creating teachable moments; challenging the kids’ limits; using hangout time; and different attitudes toward teasing. Researchers have also documented dads’ greater tendencies to • walk a fine line between safety and risk-taking; • juggle the
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