A sign of emotional intelligence is moving from “You made me feel” to “This is how I reacted.”
Our emotions aren’t caused by other people’s actions. They’re shaped by our interpretations.
Blaming others gives them power over our feelings. Taking responsibility empowers us.
Let’s say someone has both a high-functioning theory of mind and an overflowing well of compassion. What then? Well, this is what Hoffman calls “empathic over-arousal.” A person will feel so worn down by the intensity of other people’s emotions that it wears them down — it turns their distress into my actual distress. This might not seem like a bad... See more