Delivering Feedback

The most important ingredient for giving effective feedback is care for the other person.

Your intent must to be genuinely help the other person. You must see and validate them, and thus want what’s best for them. If you go into giving feedback with a kind of I mantra in your head—I want to sound smart, I want them to like me, I give them a piece of... See more

Most people suck at giving feedback. Here’s a framework for feedback that creates behavior change:

Instead of telling people what I think of a proposal, a product, a feature, whatever, I ask them instead what they think. Were they thrilled with it? Absolutely love it? Most of the time I would hear, “It's okay,” or “It's not bad.” They would surmise from my facial expression that this wasn't the answer I was looking for. Come back when you are bu... See more

Feedback is ineffective if it does NOT result in the other person taking action in a way they or you feel good about.

As the remixed Dostoevsky quote goes, All effective feedback is alike; each piece of ineffective feedback is ineffective in its own way.

Ineffective feedback is feedback the other person…

…already knew, so they don’t do anything differ... See more

• #fyi — had a thought, no real hill to die on.


• #suggestion — there’s a hill, I’m not going to die on it. But this is what I would do if I were you.


• #recommendation — I’m climbing the hill, I won’t die on it. But I’ve thought about this a lot, and don’t ignore the feedback.


• #plea — I don’t like dying on hills and that’s not really what we do, but this i

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