Very early, I had a teacher who told me, “You have to choose carefully what you want to say. You can’t just say everything is wrong. People won’t like it.” So, I praise a lot of people all the time. I say what is good. I could stand on stage and say, “You are all ignorant,” but I don’t. I say, “I don’t know either.” So, I think it’s best to avoid... See more
We often raise issues of justice and equity not to advance meaningful social causes but to generate positive attention for ourselves by denigrating others. Sometimes this involves piling on—joining a Greek chorus of reproachful replies without contributing anything new—or exaggerating one’s moral outrage for dramatic value. In doing so, we dilute the impact of critical ethical issues and foreclose the possibility of productive public discourse. The goal is not to understand but to win.
Some years back my wife and I got into the habit of asking each other
‘do you want comfort or solutions’ when the other was having a bad time. That one sentence can save us from an argument 9/10 times.
A fantastic insight by Lisa Feldman Barrett: When someone expresses anxiety, the first thing you should do is ask: do you want empathy or do you want a solution?
Will 100% use this phrase going forward.