Books

and the way we do that is by noticing, and then matching, their mood and energy.

He would ask questions designed to assess their emotional expressiveness: When had they been happiest? Had they ever been depressed? He would pay close attention to their body language and facial expressions as they responded, note when their postures seemed to tense up or relax. Did it seem like they were inviting him in? Were they showing him the

Ask someone how they feel about something, and then follow up with questions that reveal how you feel.

looping for understanding.[*]

And the best way to do that is by repeating, in our own words, what we just heard them say—and then asking if we got it right.

people who ask lots of questions during conversations—particularly questions that invite vulnerable responses—are more popular among their peers and more often seen as leaders.