We often approach life as though we were defending ourselves from an attack. Many of us, when we were growing up, were frequently reprimanded in ways that made us feel bad about ourselves. Whether the criticism came from our parents, a teacher at school, or someone else, it tended to reinforce a feeling that there was something wrong with us.

You may have engaged in a bad, angry, hurtful action, but it is counterproductive to label yourself a “bad” or “rotten” person because your energy gets channeled into rumination and self-persecution instead of creative problem-solving strategies.