I’m a conversion therapy survivor. The therapy itself was its own layer of psychological trauma that I still work through twenty years later. My therapist recently commented “I want to be careful not to ever hurt you because of your past experience with traumatic therapy.” I confidently (and kindly) looked him directly in his eyes and said “You don’t ever have to worry about that. There is no therapist whose opinion I trust more than my own.” It took years to understand that we are equals in therapy. If ever you feel like the professional lacks understanding or compassion for you, please don’t go back. The biggest red flag is when a therapist wants power over you, rather than you being empowered.
Trauma work with clients with complex trauma is more than simply treating their trauma and discharging them for having met their goals. It’s helping them launch in ways that are sustainable. It’s helping their new unmortgaged nervous systems have experiences that help clarify who they are, what they are worth, and how they deserve to be treated.
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let me talk about this therapist one more time. What if, instead of treating me like a customer, she had wrapped me up in love? What if she’d comforted me with the core beliefs of coaching, and created a partnership? What if she had said something like this: “I’m not here to fix you. You are whole and perfect just as you are. I’m here to be a guide
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