“Do you want to vent or do you want advice?” Just learning now, after 40 years on earth, that this might be the most important question to ask whenever a friend or loved one is upset.
“Do you want to vent or do you want advice?” Just learning now, after 40 years on earth, that this might be the most important question to ask whenever a friend or loved one is upset.
Most people never experience what it is like to be with someone that allows them to speak without
1. Judging you
2. Trying to fix you
3. Trying to help you
4. Trying to defend themselves
It can be a beautiful, psychoactive experience.
“May I share what I’m feeling?” “Yes.” “I feel anger. I’m stuck blaming you in my head and I can’t stop. Can I have some help?” Literally. Problem. Solved.
Zak Roedde • Show Him Your Heart
Third, ask for a temporary agreement to engage in truthseeking. If someone is off-loading emotion to us, we can ask them if they are just looking to vent or if they are looking for advice.
Annie Duke • Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don't Have All the Facts
Some children can tell you why they’re frightened, angry, or unhappy. For many, however, the question “Why?” only adds to their problem. In addition to their original distress, they must now analyze the cause and come up with a reasonable explanation. Very often children don’t know why they feel as they do. At other times they’re reluctant to tell ... See more
Adele Faber • How to Talk so Kids Will Listen...And Listen So Kids Will Talk
Want to help someone when they’re anxious? Ask them if they want empathy or they want a solution. Don't offer advice for how to solve a problem to someone who in that moment just wants a pat on the back.