“Do you want to vent or do you want advice?” Just learning now, after 40 years on earth, that this might be the most important question to ask whenever a friend or loved one is upset.
“Do you want to vent or do you want advice?” Just learning now, after 40 years on earth, that this might be the most important question to ask whenever a friend or loved one is upset.
Want to help someone when they’re anxious? Ask them if they want empathy or they want a solution. Don't offer advice for how to solve a problem to someone who in that moment just wants a pat on the back.
Shane Parrish • Understanding Others' Emotions | Lisa Feldman Barrett
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Consider that the next time your partner comes to you with a problem, maybe they don’t want a solution – perhaps they just want someone to listen to them and someone to vent to
Farnam Street • Dr. Laura Markham: Peaceful Parenting [The Knowledge Project Ep. #52]
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If you want to understand who someone is, ask: What would make you feel better?
Jessica Hagy • Ten Infrequently Asked Questions
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Third, ask for a temporary agreement to engage in truthseeking. If someone is off-loading emotion to us, we can ask them if they are just looking to vent or if they are looking for advice.
Annie Duke • Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don't Have All the Facts
“But,” she continued, “I’ve learned that when my emotions take over, the best way to get back into control is to focus on a simple question.” At this point she had our full attention. Could asking yourself a single question truly transform your emotions the way we had witnessed it happening with Greta? And if so, what question should you ask? She c
... See moreKerry Patterson • Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Third Edition
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A great insight by Lisa Feldman Barrett: When someone expresses anxiety, the first thing you should do is ask: do you want empathy or do you want a solution?
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Some children can tell you why they’re frightened, angry, or unhappy. For many, however, the question “Why?” only adds to their problem. In addition to their original distress, they must now analyze the cause and come up with a reasonable explanation. Very often children don’t know why they feel as they do. At other times they’re reluctant to tell ... See more
Adele Faber • How to Talk so Kids Will Listen...And Listen So Kids Will Talk
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If something has gone sideways in your friendship, ask your friend to tell you what they’re feeling and thinking. Then be quiet and listen. Resist the urge to interrupt, defend, or answer back. Let them get out everything they need to say. After you clarify that you’ve understood them correctly by repeating back what you heard, ask, “Is it okay if
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