The unspoken belief behind self-improvement is "I'll be worthy when..."
My theory for self-sabotage is that if you’ve always worked hard, you believe that how much you deserve something comes from how much effort you put in, so when something great happens for you, you feel like you don’t deserve it because you haven’t earned it, so you turn it down and go after something more challenging, something that gives you that... See more
Sherryx.com
Only by being useful or talented, and receiving external recognition, would I achieve personhood. I couldn’t imagine a world where I was a worthwhile person by dint of mere existence; I felt like I needed to earn it and prove it every day.