“There’s nothing worse in a relationship than thinking you know the other person entirely.” - David Whyte
even in cases where we’re devoted to a person, and know a lot about them, it’s still possible to not see them. You can be loved by a person yet not be known by them.
David Brooks • How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen
Remind yourself that if you think you already understand how someone feels or what they are trying to say, it is a delusion. Remember a time when you were sure you were right and then discovered one little fact that changed everything. There is always more to learn.
Sheila Heen • Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Ickes finds that the longer8 many couples are married, the less accurate they are at reading each other. They lock in some early version of who their spouse is, and over the years, as the other person changes, that version stays fixed—and they know less and less about what’s actually going on in the other’s heart and mind.