Halloween is an overturning of the natural order, though, and has its lineage in old traditions of reversing the roles, letting the poor become rulers, and bringing the rich low. There has long been a feverish link between monsters and mockery, and those without power have often been given licence to play at the edges of civility in order to quell

does smell good in here: woody and faintly resinous. My skin prickles and feels as though it may be puckering; the roots of my hair tingle. The temperature is certainly rising. I try to find the sauna state of mind, spacious and peaceful, free of the immediate concerns of life outside the door. Instead, I feel mainly thirsty. I breathe. It won’t be

spiritual significance

These are northern bodies, slack-bottomed and dimpling, with unruly pubic hair and the scars of hysterectomies, chattering companionably in a language I don’t understand. They are a glimpse of life yet to come: a message of survival, passed on through the generations. It’s a message I rarely find in my buttoned-up home country, and I think about

realise, suddenly, how this season of illness has rearranged my mind into a library of paranoia. I am afraid of being doubted, and I’m afraid of being found out. I am wondering what all those other people, whom I used to see every day, are thinking of me. Are they gossiping, or has some morbid discretion fallen over my name? I’m not sure which is

profoundly unsociable way of living,

It’s a moment when I have to step into solitude, and into contemplation. It’s also a moment when I have to walk away from old alliances, to let the strings of some friendships fall loose, if only for a while. It’s a path I’ve walked over and over again in my life, perhaps. I have learned how to winter the hard way. It’s a skillset, of sorts.

I had no idea how much these quiet pleasures had retreated from my life while I was rushing around, and now I’m inviting them back in: still, rhythmic work with the hands, the kind of light concentration that allows you to dream, and the sense of a kindness done in the process.

I’m only buying