Nikita

The thing no one tells you about marriage is this: in order to form deep bonds of intimacy in heterosexual relationships, in order to truly love and be truly loved- both partners must do the very thing they’ve been taught their entire lives NOT to do. They must learn to disobey the script they were handed at birth called “how to be a man” and “how ... See more

The work of men is to lose the self, the work of women is to build the self precisely because we are conditioned to do the opposite. If marriage books recognized this pre-requisite work on the self, they would be WAY more effective in teaching us how to come together.

Have a foundation of friendship, avoid the four horsemen (contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling), make sure positive interactions outweigh negative ones 5:1, and be attuned to each other’s bids for attention.

It feels amazing to do a hard thing and make it through. What’s worse is to have an easy life and feel nothing at all (the default)

6. One of the clearest signs of intelligence is being able to hear an opinion you disagree with and not act emotionally

For romantic relationships, continued curiosity is key—the question is, where do you find people you’re curious about