Unfuck Your Boundaries: Build Better Relationships through Consent, Communication, and Expressing Your Needs

If we are compressing a bunch of computer files into a ZIP drive, that’s lossless…meaning all the original data is still there. In the human brain, it is lossy (yes that’s the real word), meaning that some information

Is jealous of attention you pay to others

Try this when communicating to someone else when you are all kinds of hacked off (or all kinds of thrilled, for that matter): I feel when you What I want

Threatens self-harm in retaliation for your behaviors

Externalizing: HCPs see problems as external to them. They see that they are the ones who are being hurt, and not when they are the people doing the hurting. They do not take responsibility for their part in the interaction and blame others for their problems. It’s an extreme reaction to the same fundamental attribution error that’s wired into all

Limited Emotional Self-Control: HCPs feel emotions very strongly and are almost entirely dominated by their negative emotions. Their responses often appear out of proportion to the event at hand. We are all hardwired to pay more attention to negative emotions because doing so is a survival instinct. We all have histories that inform our emotional r

To say something in the vein of: I’m having a hard time respecting your boundaries right now because I’m really worried about you. I don’t want to start bossing you into doing what I want you to do. It might be better if we don’t discuss this particular issue because I can’t really be impartial. It’s the nicest way I can think of it to avoid a “You

The basic idea is that each exchange of verbal dialogue has four levels: 1) What we mean to say. You know, the actual idea you are trying to express. 2) What we actually say. If you are really good at saying only exactly what you mean at all times, I hope you write a book on your technique. For us regular humans, what we have in our minds and what

visceral afferent messaging. This just means an inward feeling from the body, telling the mind what to do, instead of the mind making a decision telling the body what to do. This information