The Tools

The central task of an adult is to find her purpose in the world. This purpose is different for each person—finding it is an individual matter. The Force of Forward Motion only works in an individual if she consciously chooses to use it—and accepts the pain that comes with it.

There may be many positive things in your future—great joy and fulfillment. But inevitably, life will never exempt you from facing more pain. Once you accept this, your goal will no longer be for pain to stop; it will be to increase your tolerance for it—which is exactly what the Reversal of Desire will do for you.

Friedrich Nietzsche, a daring thinker of the late nineteenth century, put it best in his famous aphorism: “Whatever does not kill me makes me stronger.” His idea that adversity has a positive value was new.

The final thing the Reversal of Desire can do for you may be the most important of all—it allows you to develop courage. It always confused me that psychotherapy never addressed the need for courage directly—every patient I’ve ever had wanted more of it. But like the rest of us, therapists saw it as a kind of mythic power existing only in heroes wh

To develop courage, you have to give up this illusion of future certainty. This frees you to focus on the present—the only place you can find the courage to act.

love inside your chest.

This path develops what’s most lacking in our outwardly oriented society: an “inner greatness.” We’ve been conditioned to associate greatness with people who’ve achieved power or fame in the outside world, such as a Napoleon or a Thomas Edison. We place little value on an inner greatness that can be developed by anyone, regardless of his station in

A true adult accepts that there’s a fundamental difference between the goals we have for ourselves and the goals the universe has for us. In general, human beings want to succeed in the outer world—build a successful business, say, or find a life partner. In contrast, the universe doesn’t care about our external success; its goal is to develop our

1. The first cue comes when you have to do something uncomfortable and you feel fear or resistance. Use the tool right before you act. 2. The second cue occurs whenever you think about doing something painful or difficult. If you use the tool every time you have these thoughts, you’ll build a force that will allow you to act when the time comes.