The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

When you don’t trust yourself, you’re waiting to catch yourself in a mistake so you can pounce on your own certainty about how unworthy of trust you are. You get petty. You become fixated on your mistakes, and you keep a tally of those mistakes. In contrast, when you notice you’ve been numbing out all week beyond a level you’re comfortable with and

While change does always involve loss, not changing involves a much deeper loss.

It’s not that perfectionists don’t know how to have fun; it’s that perfectionists have strong eudaemonic orientations.

Operating under an illness model of care doesn’t just carry powerful implications for the way we conceptualize perfectionism, it impacts the way we conceptualize every aspect of mental health. The slightest pang of sadness, a drizzle of frustration—we register any decline in positive emotion with an assumption of pathology. It’s a cultural tic. The

We need messy perfectionists in the world; they are the champions of possibility. They effortlessly push through the anxiety of a new beginning. They inspire others with their enthusiasm and optimism, and the world would be a dim place without them around.

As long as you’re playing small, that energy rattles inside you and makes you ache. Stop cursing the ache and become curious about why it’s there. If you’re a perfectionist, you want more of something. What is it? Why do you want that? How do you imagine getting what you want will make you feel? Perfectionism invites a deep, unending exploration of

Hedonic approaches to well-being seek to increase happiness and avoid pain, whereas eudaemonic approaches to well-being seek to increase meaningfulness.[17]

People who trust themselves trust themselves because they’re honest with themselves. More specifically, they’re honest about what they need to restrict themselves from or altogether avoid. We think that the more we trust ourselves, the fewer boundaries we’ll need; the opposite is true. The people who trust themselves the most are the ones who honor

shame avoidance is one of the most exhausting and futile emotional exercises a person can engage in.