What are the most beautiful moments of my life, and what are the most broken moments of my life? What are the highs, and what are the lows? What are the mountains, and what are the valleys?

But the whole thing didn’t kick off with me. It actually kicked off with his mother. In my research of how young men have historically been initiated into manhood, one of the things I saw repeatedly was a defining moment between mother and son when she directed his energy and attention toward the community of men and the challenges associated with

I care about this. I don’t care about that. I’ll get in a fight over this. I would get fired over that. I’m willing to go to war over that. Those are the kinds of judgments that become values in our lives, and so I want you to take some time to think through your personal values. What matters to you as an adult? What do you want your child to

Young men need a liminal space where they are removed from the normal rhythm and routine of life and given time and opportunity to see what is inside them. They need space to encounter those who have grown up in completely different cultural contexts and bond with other men. In modern life, nothing does this quite as well as a gap year.

ALASDAIR MACINTYRE has this amazing quote in his book After Virtue: “We can only answer the question, ‘What am I to do?’ or ‘Who am I to be?’ if I can answer the previous questions of what story or stories do I find myself a part of.”

I then gave him a beautiful leather journal, so that when we did our times together, he could write everything down. And, last but not least, I gave him something from the military: a beautiful, black footlocker.

There’s a line from The Power of Moments that resonated with me so much, and it’s this: “Beware the soul-sucking voice of reasonableness.”1 These moments I’m talking about have the power to change our lives forever, but they won’t be as powerful if we try to be just reasonable. We have to be unreasonable in the way we mark these moments.

The role of fatherhood is one of the most overlooked yet crucial roles in our society. The data and our own experience could not be clearer. When a father is present, emotionally healthy, and involved in his child’s life, the child has a tremendous advantage in the world to navigate its complexities and challenges with joy and confidence.

I HAD WORKED IT OUT with three other dads that we would do our boys’ initiation ceremony together, at the beach, but the boys didn’t know this. All I told them was, “You’re going to go under water, and it’s going to be cold, and it’s going to hurt. Get ready.”