We began by talking about fighting for the truth—also called apologetics. I tried to help Nate understand what it looks like to fight in forms outside of raw strength—what about fighting through legal capital, or authority, or privilege, or community action? These are all weapons that can be used in a battle, so how can we bring them to bear in a

Here’s one example of something we did: when we were talking about the beauty and strength of man, we’d watch one episode of Band of Brothers each week and then we’d eat at a different barbecue restaurant around New York City. Band of Brothers and barbecue.

And remember, these aren’t just generic manhood shifts—these are the shifts that help our sons become more like Jesus Christ. Jesus left the ease of heaven to embrace the difficulty of earth and of the cross; Jesus humbled and emptied himself, and he lived for others, not just himself; Jesus moved into a life of obscurity for us; Jesus surrendered,

I then gave him a beautiful leather journal, so that when we did our times together, he could write everything down. And, last but not least, I gave him something from the military: a beautiful, black footlocker.

TIME: truth, insights, mission, and encounter.

Young men today don’t aspire to a moralistic vision of generic goodness. They want a deep understanding of what a man actually is and how to be good at that. They want the vision and skill to master the art of manhood. In this framework, confidence comes through competence. We must learn to transfer the tangible skills and the key elements of

Speaking of leadership, Nate and I also went through John Maxwell’s Leadership Bible and The 20 Most Important Minutes in a Leader’s Day.

This is key. This is what men need. All of us need actual discipleship and development, specific advice and skills and ways of living in the world that help us learn how to be good at being men.

Young men rarely think long and hard about the decisions and directions they want their lives to take. The horizon of their thinking often extends to the end of their current season and the start of the next. But wise men understand the arc and seasons of a life and seek to live well in each season to minimize regret and maximize joy.