The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed

Better to be as self-sufficient as possible. A person with this style is more armored in relationships and tends to not allow much closeness. Letting others close enough to develop real feelings of attachment even much later in life feels scary; it is too close to the unbearable…

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Insecure attachment styles are actually strategies for managing the uncomfortable emotions aroused by Mother’s inconsistency, according to author Diana Fosha. “Their coping style— watching Mother like a hawk and clinging to her to reassure themselves she won’t disappear again—is their…

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Unfortunately the strategies used to secure the desired attachment often drive people away. By the time we…

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Sometimes people show elements of both of these patterns: for example, alternating between cutting off feelings and plunging into them headlong, or acting detached and self-sufficient and then collapsing into a dependent pattern. What is common to all forms of insecure attachment is a lack of confidence that…

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Secure attachment grows from your needs being met. Not being protected or being overlooked in a state of emergency will be felt as…

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An example of an infancy pattern that might get played out between partners is trying to remain within the oneness of the early merged state in which babies feel themselves as part of Mother. This is referred to as a “fused” relationship. When two people are…

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use of dissociation, distraction, and/or aggression or withdrawal as…

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While disorganized attachment is the most insecure of the attachment styles that have been identified, it is not the same as an attachment disorder, a term that refers to a condition of nonattachment and most often refers to reactive attachment disorder (RAD). With RAD, a child does not develop an attachment relationship with primary caregivers or

always questioning and testing the other’…

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Even if you have never had a secure attachment, it’s never too late to develop one. There are many benefits to…

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