The Courage To Be Disliked: How to free yourself, change your life and achieve real happiness

Exactly. In the act of praise, there is the aspect of it being ‘the passing of judgement by a person of ability on a person of no ability’. A mother praises her child who has helped her prepare dinner, saying, ‘You’re such a good helper!’ But when her husband does the same things, you can be sure she won’t be telling him, ‘You’re such a good helper

don’t care for all this talk about God. Think more straightforwardly and more plainly about the mentality of real, everyday people. What about the desire to be recognised socially, for example? Why does a person want to climb the corporate ladder? Why does a person seek status and fame? It’s the wish to be recognised as somebody important by societ

Of course, the words of the person who has been hurt—‘You don’t understand how I feel’—are likely to contain a certain degree of truth. Completely understanding the feelings of the person who is suffering is something that no one is capable of. But as long as one continues to use one’s misfortune to one’s advantage in order to be ‘special’, one wil

No. This is the difference between ‘aetiology’ (the study of causation) and teleology (the study of the purpose of a given phenomenon, rather than its cause). Everything you have been telling me is based in aetiology. As long as we stay in aetiology, we will not take a single step forward.

It is in trying to progress past who one is now that there is value.

comparing their child to anyone else, see him for who he actually is, and be glad and grateful for his being there. Instead of taking away points from some idealised image, they could start from zero. And if they do that, they should be able to call out to his existence itself.

If no one is going to praise me, I won’t take appropriate action and If no one is going to punish me, I’ll engage in inappropriate actions, too.

PHILOSOPHER: A stone is powerless. Once it has begun to roll downhill, it will continue to roll until released from the natural laws of gravity and inertia. But we are not stones. We are beings who are capable of resisting inclination. We can stop our tumbling selves and climb uphill. The desire for recognition is probably a natural desire. So, are

When receiving praise becomes one’s goal, one is choosing a way of living that is in line with another person’s system of values.