The Courage To Be Disliked: How to free yourself, change your life and achieve real happiness

When trying to be recognised by others, almost all people treat satisfying other people’s expectations as the means to that end. And that is in accordance with the stream of thought of reward-and-punishment education that says one will be praised if one takes appropriate action. If, for example, the main point of your job turns out to be satisfying

That is what separating is. You are worried about other people looking at you. You are worried about being judged by other people. That is why you are constantly craving recognition from others. Now, why are you worried about other people looking at you, anyway? Adlerian psychology has an easy answer. You haven’t done the separation of tasks yet. Y

When you enter into interpersonal relationships, it is inevitable that to a greater or lesser extent you will get hurt, and you will hurt someone, too. Adler says, ‘To get rid of one’s problems, all one can do is live in the universe all alone.’ But one can’t do such a thing.

One is suffering from strong feelings of inferiority, and, on top of that, one doesn’t have the courage to compensate through healthy modes of striving and growth. That being said, one can’t tolerate the inferiority complex of thinking, A is the situation, so B cannot be done. One can’t accept ‘one’s incapable self’. At that point, the person think

This is what is so terrifying about competition. Even if you’re not a loser, even if you’re someone who keeps on winning, if you are someone who has placed himself in competition, you will never have a moment’s peace. You don’t want to be a loser. And you always have to keep on winning if you don’t want to be a loser. You can’t trust other people.

There are, however, people who lose the courage to take a single step forward, and who cannot accept the fact that the situation can be changed by making realistic efforts.

You think of interpersonal relationships as competition; you perceive other people’s happiness as ‘my defeat’, and that is why you can’t celebrate it.

When one person praises another, the goal is ‘to manipulate someone who has less ability than you’. It is not done out of gratitude or respect. YOUTH: So, you’re saying that one praises in order to manipulate? PHILOSOPHER: That’s right. Whether we praise or rebuke others, the only difference is one of the carrot or the stick, and the background goa

PHILOSOPHER: That’s right. Accept what is irreplaceable. Accept ‘this me’ just as it is. And have the courage to change what one can change. That is self-acceptance.