Punishing mistakes is part of the rigid-patterned person’s attempt to restore order. If a mistake has happened, then disorder has happened, and whoever caused it must be discovered, assigned the blame, and punished.

First, the parents may be narcissistic and therefore treat the child as an extension of themselves, rather than as a separate being.

By using names that highlight each pattern’s safety strategy, I am also emphasizing the fact that a pattern is something a person does to protect themselves when in distress, not something they are.

Even receiving what they need from someone else is seen as a threat because that might lead to depending on that person.

To heal, they need a warm, loving connection to others who support them in developing their own capacities by gently directing their attention back to their own core and to their own strengths and abilities.

The more you push them, the slower they go, both because you’re distracting them and because they need to resist your attempts to control them.

When facing danger, aggressive-patterned people shift solidly into their core and rev up their bodies with adrenaline. These actions amplify their will and energy as they move to assess the danger and meet it. This makes them good in a crisis: level-headed, competent, courageous, pragmatic, and able to take control.

The problem faced by those in the rigid pattern is, “How do I know what to do? What do I turn to for guidance?” To relinquish the Rules as their source of guidance, they need a better source of guidance.

The most obvious psychological defense used by people who adopted the rigid pattern — the one that permeates every cell of their body — is following the Rules.