The 5 Personality Patterns: Your Guide to Understanding Yourself and Others and Developing Emotional Maturity

You notice what he is feeling by sensing his core, whether he speaks or remains silent. You may not have known that it is even possible to sense others in this way, and you may not have developed this skill.

Then, give them only a short summary of your request, maybe something like “I want to ask you to help me with something” or “I want to ask you to do something for me.” This will help them orient themselves to your request. Pause and watch for signs that they have taken this in and are ready for the next piece. If you’re unsure, ask them to let you

Another side of their attempt to create safety for themselves by following the Rules can be seen in their response to violations of the rules by others. They will try to defend the proper order by correcting, criticizing, and punishing rule violations by others.

But the voice of the inner critic is not your own voice. It is only the voices of the people who raised you.

Poor boundaries: difficulty saying no, difficulty separating self from other, a tendency to merge and feel what the other person feels, rather than what she feels. Little sense of strength, will, and autonomy. Difficulty recognizing an enemy or danger, such as dangerous drugs and dangerous people. Attachment to what provides soothing and support, o

As you think about these different combinations of patterns, remember that the best option is to not be in any pattern at all. The goal is presence, a presence which includes the capacities and skills you have honed while in your patterns but leaves you free to use those gifts consciously.

The merging pattern usually forms during the time of nursing, the time that Freud called the oral stage of development, when the infant is totally dependent on her mother and caregivers and is mostly a bundle of needs.

Then we default to another way of measuring their value, which usually boils down to, “What can they do for me?” This is not evil; it is simply a pragmatic way of assigning value when the heart is offline.

Their general fear of mistakes and failures shows up in the daily lives of rigid-patterned people in many ways. For instance, they generally like to keep things the same, since that is known to be okay and correct.