Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection

expose their vulnerabilities, reveal something about yourself. It will be less uncomfortable than you imagine. It will be more fascinating than you think. And it might lead to a moment of true connection.

When people genuinely laughed together, their mood and energy almost always matched.

The “extent of speaker-listener neural coupling predicts the success of the communication,”

How we communicate—the unconscious decisions we make as we speak and listen, the questions we ask and the vulnerabilities we expose, even our tone of voice—can influence who we trust, are persuaded by, and seek out as friends.

People don’t announce their emotions. They perform them. “Someone screams, ‘I cooked you dinner and you’re welcome!,’ and that’s how you know they’re angry,” said Prady. Psychologists refer to this kind of communication as nonlinguistic emotional expressions,

All we need to make a prediction is to notice someone’s mood and energy. That’s enough to quickly evaluate what they are feeling.

To communicate with someone, we must connect with them. When we absorb what someone is saying, and they comprehend what we say, it’s because our brains have, to some degree, aligned.

Ask others about their beliefs and values. Ask them about experiences and those moments that caused them to change. Ask how they feel, rather than about facts. Reframe your questions so they are deeper. Ask follow-ups. And as people

What matters isn’t speaking and acting alike, but rather matching one another in ways that convey the desire to align.

These people tended to speak less than dominant leaders, and when they did open their mouths, it was usually to ask questions. They repeated others’ ideas and were quick to admit their own confusion or make fun of themselves. They encouraged their groupmates (“That’s really smart! Tell me more about what you think!”) and laughed at others’ jokes. T