However, those same inquiries, recast slightly (“What do you like about where you live?” “What was your favorite part of college?”), invite others to share their preferences, beliefs, and values, and to describe experiences that caused them to grow or change. Those questions make emotional replies easier, and they practically beg the questioner to

We all want to have meaningful conversations.

The third conversational mindset—the social mindset—emerges when we discuss our relationships,

Sievers found other studies showing this same phenomenon when people hummed together, or tapped their fingers side by side, or solved cooperative puzzles, or told each other stories.

the sentences that people had written out usually indicated what kind of conversation they were seeking, as well as a mood they hoped to establish.

“Do you want to be helped, hugged, or heard?”

understanding the difference between the practical logic of costs and benefits and the empathetic logic of similarities was critical.

“to communicate effectively, we must adopt the perspective of another person both while speaking and listening.”

Seek out topics where everyone has some experience and knowledge, or everyone is a novice. Encourage the quiet to speak and the talkative to listen, so everyone is participating.