Saved by Said AlSalah and
Staring Into the Abyss as a Core Life Skill
Staring into the abyss means thinking reasonably about things that are uncomfortable to contemplate, like arguments against your religious beliefs, or in favor of breaking up with your partner. It’s common to procrastinate on thinking hard about these things because it might require you to acknowledge that you were very wrong about something in the... See more
benkuhn.net • Staring Into the Abyss as a Core Life Skill
I realise how much of my life has been centred around burying my head in the sand, for safety, acceptance, survival; a way of coping with the enormity of discomfort from being wrong, not being right, or being ostracised/criticised for recognising this in others. Ignorance is bliss, but I cannot achieve the growth I yearn for without staring into the Abyss.
Another abyss-staring strategy I’ve found useful is to talk to someone else. One reason that I sometimes procrastinate on staring into the abyss is that, when I try to think about the uncomfortable topic, I don’t do it in a productive way: instead, I’ll ruminate or think myself in circles. If I’m talking to someone else, they can help me break out... See more
benkuhn.net • Staring Into the Abyss as a Core Life Skill
I’ve started thinking of staring into the abyss as the “one weird trick” of doing great work, because it seems to be upstream of so many other ways that people do well or poorly. So I’ve been thinking about how to become better at it.
benkuhn.net • Staring Into the Abyss as a Core Life Skill
It’s interesting to me that these people have both become very personally accomplished, and have produced ideas or writing that have had a big influence on how I think. This makes sense since both making effective life decisions and having novel insights require you to figure out non-obvious true things about the world, which are sometimes... See more
benkuhn.net • Staring Into the Abyss as a Core Life Skill
- If you had to leave your job today, what would you do instead?
- What’s the best argument in favor of doing that right now?
- If you have a partner, what’s the best argument in favor of breaking up with them?
- Are there ways you behave that you wish you didn’t? What unacknowledged desires could be driving those?
- What have you said “yes” to that you wouldn’t
Ben Kuhn • Staring Into the Abyss as a Core Life Skill
Staring into the abyss about your job is difficult in part because it’s easier to do good work if you’re committed to your job for a long time. The same principle applies even more to romantic relationships: past some threshold of compatibility, much of your relationship’s value comes precisely from the fact that the two of you expect to being... See more
benkuhn.net • Staring Into the Abyss as a Core Life Skill
Staring into the abyss means thinking reasonably about things that are uncomfortable to contemplate, like arguments against your religious beliefs, or in favor of breaking up with your partner. It’s common to procrastinate on thinking hard about these things because it might require you to acknowledge that you were very wrong about something in the... See more
Ben Kuhn • Staring Into the Abyss as a Core Life Skill
The same principle applies even more to romantic relationships: past some threshold of compatibility, much of your relationship’s value comes precisely from the fact that the two of you expect to being together for a long time, and can make correspondingly long-term investments in making your relationship awesome.
benkuhn.net • Staring Into the Abyss as a Core Life Skill
One solution to the timing problem is to check in about your abyss-staring on a schedule. For example, if you think it might be time for you to change jobs, rather than idly ruminating about it for weeks, block out a day or two to really seriously weigh the pros and cons and get advice, with the goal at the end of deciding either to leave, or to... See more