The problem is that people can’t guess our needs based on our actions.

Emotional Boundaries

They can’t manage to carve out time to eat a healthy meal or find five minutes to meditate, but they spend hours volunteering at their kids’ school every week. This type of imbalance is an immediate sign of boundary issues.

The violation doesn’t spill over into the rest of our day, because we don’t view the encounter as significant. Micro boundary violations can become more significant over time, however, if the violations are repeated and persistent.

Creating healthy boundaries leads to feeling safe, loved, calm, and respected.

Also, if you need to say no to a request, skip the apology. Try saying something like this: “Thanks, but I won’t be able to make it.” “I can’t help you this time.” “I hope you enjoy yourself, but I won’t be able to make it.”

Blurred boundaries occur when we aren’t explicitly clear about what we want, need, or expect from the other person. Instead of being direct, we may gossip or tell others what we want.

We tolerate unhealthy boundaries because we don’t understand our feelings, and we fail to notice the discomfort. We see that something is “off,” but we’re unaware of what is causing the discomfort.

Change the topic by glossing over the question: “Money is always such an interesting topic. What are you watching on Netflix?” Be direct: “I don’t feel comfortable answering that question.” Make your boundaries clear: “I don’t like it when people talk to me about weight.”