We need to clearly observe what we are seeing, hearing, or touching that is affecting our sense of well-being, without mixing in any evaluation.

And the mismatch of our ever-changing world and our relatively static language forms is part of our problem.”

“Our language is an imperfect instrument

evaluations are to be based on observations specific to time and context.

I believe it is in everyone’s interest that people change, not in order to avoid punishment, but because they see the change as benefiting themselves. Thinking based on “who deserves what” blocks compassionate communication. Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to

The concept that certain actions merit reward while others merit punishment is also associated with life-alienating communication.

Communicating our desires as demands is yet another form of language that blocks compassion. A demand explicitly or implicitly threatens listeners with blame or punishment if they fail to comply.

I suggested that the teacher translate the statement “I have to give grades because it’s district policy” to “I choose to give grades because I want … ” She answered without hesitation, “I choose to give grades because I want to keep my job,” while hastening to add, “But I don’t like saying it that way. It makes me feel so responsible for what I’m

They called it Amtssprache, loosely translated into English as “office talk” or “bureaucratese.” For example, if asked why they took a certain action, the response would be, “I had to.” If asked why they “had to,” the answer would be, “Superiors’ orders.” “Company policy.” “It was the law.” We deny responsibility for our actions when we attribute