Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

Therapy elicits odd reactions because, in a way, it’s like pornography. Both involve a kind of nudity. Both have the potential to thrill. And both have millions of users, most of whom keep their use private.

Most big transformations come about from the hundreds of tiny, almost imperceptible, steps we take along the way.

very defended patients, one way to get a sense of their pasts is by asking them, “Without thinking about it, what three adjectives come immediately to mind in relation to your mom’s [or dad’s] personality?” These off-the-cuff answers have always given me (and my patients) helpful insights into their parental relationships.

“Before diagnosing people with depression, make sure they’re not surrounded by assholes”),

Therapists tell their patients: Follow your envy—it shows you what you want.

“Your feelings don’t have to mesh with what you think they should be,” he explained. “They’ll be there regardless, so you might as well welcome them because they hold important clues.” How many times had I said something similar to my own patients? But here I feel as if I’m hearing this for the first time. Don’t judge your feelings; notice them. Us

The things we protest against the most are often the very things we need to look at.

we examine not just our patients but ourselves in relation to our patients. In our group, Andrea can say to me, “That patient sounds like your brother. That’s why you’re responding that way.” I can help Ian manage his feelings about the patient who begins her sessions by reporting her horoscope (“I can’t stand this woo-woo shit,” he says). Group co

quivering lower lip, the eyes narrowing in anger. Beyond hearing and seeing, there’s something less tangible but equally important—the energy in the room, the being together. You lose that ineffable dimension when you aren’t sharing the same physical space.

freedom involves responsibility, and there’s a part of most of us that finds responsibility frightening.