Rule 1—LISTEN to what is being said and the events being related. Give your full attention to the person who is speaking. Rule 2—LISTEN to the feelings being expressed. Rule 3—LISTEN to the needs being expressed. Rule 4—UNDERSTAND by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes as best you can.

When you converse with someone you are discipling, and they are sharing about their life or a difficult situation, refrain from sharing all the great advice you want to give and simply focus on that person. Remember that it’s not about you; it’s about the other person feeling heard.

3. SEEK UNDERSTANDING Seeking understanding interrupts projections and cultivates empathy. You seek understanding by asking questions—one at a time—and then being quiet. When seeking understanding, slow down, check in, and breathe, as this supports stability and presence. Avoid interrupting when the other person is speaking. Be open to softening your