Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

We Apply Different Implicit Rules. Our past experiences often develop into “rules” by which we live our lives. Whether we are aware of them or not, we all follow such rules. They tell us how the world works, how people should act, or how things are supposed to be.

The Harvard Negotiation Project

“Making sure that none of this hurt our friendship” sounds like you’re going to put words in his mouth. It’s a little controlling. If you’re going to ask a question, make sure it’s an open question. Just ask him how he’s feeling about your friendship. If the problem did hurt your friendship, you want him to be open about saying so.

I’m saying that we both had a hand in the problem. We misunderstood each other. I’m not saying there’s a right or wrong. If we had each understood the other more clearly, we would have been less likely to have gotten into the mess we did.

One thing it may help to ask before giving up is what they would have to learn to persuade them to change or reconsider their view.

let’s think about how we should handle a difference of judgment if it happens again in the future.

The point is, we are more likely to avoid this kind of problem in the future if we are more careful to communicate clearly.

the critical question is less whether there is absolute truth than whether and how well we can perceive it. Perhaps the only thing a human being can be truly sure of is that one can’t be completely sure. That is the realm of God, even if you don’t believe in God.

You need to be very explicit that you are still explaining your view, and you’d like him to listen.