We stew on resentments for far too long before bringing up a problem. We start harshly, with criticism. We don’t know how to self-soothe, and we get overwhelmed and flooded with emotion. We get defensive. We don’t stop to figure out what the fight is really about. We miss or reject the attempts our partners make to repair and meet in the middle. We

If you find yourself keeping score about some issue with your spouse, that suggests it’s an area of tension in your marriage.

If you’re just holding a grudge and upset with your spouse about something unrelated and it’s impossible to change or undo, tread lightly. We remember the complaints more vividly than the compliments.