Growing up high-functioning or socially aware makes you hyper-attuned to other people's expectations. You learned early to read rooms, you became fluent in the micro-expressions that signal approval or withdrawal, you developed an almost supernatural ability to modulate your intensity, your opinions, your very presence to match what others could

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people-pleasing is a way to avoid yourself. You don’t have to sit with the discomfort of pondering hard, unanswered questions when you preoccupy yourself with satisfying others. Pleasing others makes you feel important and useful—a convenient way to avoid the hard stuff within yourself. But when you confront and integrate what you are avoiding, you... See more

When I began to release my people-pleasing tendencies, I told myself that I was writing a new chapter in my life. I imagined myself on some sort of hero's journey, not knowing that I was actually walking into a hall of mirrors.

I assumed that my newfound commitment to self-advocacy would deepen every relationship in my life. I pictured the moment in... See more