Stay in the present and focus on what is happening between them right now. Look at the circle of criticism that spins both of them around. There is no true “start” to a circle. Consider the circle, the dance, as their enemy and the consequences of not breaking the circle.

The Protest Polka is all about trying to get a response, a response that connects and reassures.

Second, both people have to grasp how the moves of each partner pull the other into the dance.

Openness to new experience and flexibility of belief seems to be easier when we feel safe and connected to others. Curiosity comes out of a sense of safety; rigidity out of being vigilant to threats.

sensitive spot is about being left and abandoned.

Then we generally do one of two things: we either become demanding and clinging in an effort to draw comfort and reassurance from our partner, or we withdraw and detach in an attempt to soothe and protect ourselves.

Openness to new experience and flexibility of belief seems to be easier when we feel safe and connected to others.

He has changed the pronoun to “we.”

These negative patterns always started when one partner tried to reach for the other and could not make safe emotional contact.