Everything That Turned Out Well in My Life Followed the Same Design Process

To find a good relationship, you do not start by saying, “I want a relationship that looks like this”—that would be starting in the wrong end, by defining form. Instead you say, “I’m just going to pay attention to what happens when I hang out with various people and iterate toward something that feels alive”—you start from the context.

When you design something, a useful definition of success is precisely that— the form fits the context —as Christopher Alexander argued in Notes on a Synthesis of Form (1964). This is true of relationships, and essays, and careers: you want to find something that fits .

• A glove is well-designed if it fits the hand nicely.


• A relationship is healthy if

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Many good ideas look bad at first.

Thinking about our career, we might think in abstractions like “a job.” But really a career is made up of a bunch of different things like a salary, an identity, relationships, status, a sense of meaning, and so on. It is often easier to find a fit if you unbundle these things, and think about the parts that matter to you individually. Do you actua... See more

Reality is shy—it only reveals itself to those who, like honest scientists, do not wish it to be something else

iterate toward something that feels alive

The useful thing about defining good design as a form-context fit is that it tells you where you will find the form. The form is in the context.

what you want is some process that allows you to extract information from the context, and bake it into the form. That is what unfolding is.

If I look at things that have turned out well in my life (my marriage, some of my essays, my current career) the “design process” has been the same in each case. It has been what Christopher Alexander called an unfolding .1 Put simply:

• I paid attention to things I liked to do, and found ways to do more of that. I made it easy for interesting people

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If I look at things that have turned out well in my life (my marriage, some of my essays, my current career) the “design process” has been the same in each case. It has been what Christopher Alexander called an unfolding .1 Put simply:

• I paid attention to things I liked to do, and found ways to do more of that. I made it easy for interesting people

... See more