Most parenting approaches focus not on the whole child, but on the child’s behaviors—and how parents should respond to particular kinds of behavior. And they suggest responses to behavior that are oriented to the child’s brain: reasoning, requesting, or offering incentives, rewards, or consequences.

“Encouragement is more important than any other aspect of child-raising. It is so important that the lack of it can be considered the basic cause for misbehavior. A misbehaving child is a discouraged child.”

Discipline works very well for some kids, but others internalize it as a devastating and corrosive form of criticism that eats away at their self-esteem. Apparently their son was such a child.