However it happens, make it happen. By repairing and reconnecting as soon as we can, and in a sincere and loving manner, we reconnect and send the message that the relationship matters more than whatever caused the conflict. Plus, in reconnecting with our kids, we model for them a crucial skill that will allow them to enjoy much more meaningful

The fact is that none of us are perfect, especially when it comes time to deal with our kids’ behavior. Sometimes we handle ourselves well and feel proud of how loving, understanding, and patient we remain. At other times, we lower ourselves to our kids’ level and resort to the childishness that upset us in the first place.

It’s just like the Serenity Prayer says: “May I have the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can’t, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Moments like these highlight a reality that’s important for parents to understand: sometimes there’s just nothing we can do to “fix” things when our kids are having a hard time. We can work to stay calm and loving. We can be fully present. We can access the full measure of our creativity. And still, we may not be able to make things better right

The point of an exercise like this isn’t to tell your daughter not to worry about her basketball game. Not at all. We want to encourage our kids to feel their feelings, and to share them with us. The sensing mode that lets us experience directly is an important mode of processing. But along the way, we want to give them perspective and help them

Again, this is about teaching kids that they don’t have to be stuck in an experience. They can also be observers and therefore change agents.

We want our kids to not only feel their feelings and sense their sensations, but also to be able to notice how their body feels, to be able to witness their own emotions. We want them to pay attention to their emotions (“I’m noticing that I’m feeling kind of sad,” or “My frustration isn’t grape-size right now; it’s like a watermelon!”).

The first mode is all about teaching children to be aware of and simply sense their subjective experiences. In other words, when they’re dealing with something difficult, we don’t want them to deny that experience, or to squelch their emotions about it.

You don’t have to get stuck in a negative experience. You don’t have to be a victim to external events, or internal emotions. You can use your mind to take charge of how you feel, and how you act.