Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

So you and I are misunderstanding each other. I’d like to sort this out, because it’s awfully hard on Alexis when you and I get our signals crossed. Can we spend some time trying to figure this thing out?

Some words—like “attractive,” “ugly,” “good,” and “bad”—carry judgments that are obvious. But be careful with words like “inappropriate,” “should,” or “professional.”

“Making sure that none of this hurt our friendship” sounds like you’re going to put words in his mouth. It’s a little controlling. If you’re going to ask a question, make sure it’s an open question. Just ask him how he’s feeling about your friendship. If the problem did hurt your friendship, you want him to be open about saying so.

They won’t be happy until they get it, and nothing else will do. Unless they get the acknowledgment they need, feelings will cause trouble in the conversation

Say What Would Persuade You.

As long as you are open to persuasion, and prepared, if absolutely necessary, to live with no agreement,

3. Problem-Solving Together

Role Reversal

truth, intentions, and blame—we make a common but crippling assumption.