The point is, we are more likely to avoid this kind of problem in the future if we are more careful to communicate clearly.

Once you find it, you can begin with the Third Story yourself. So Jason might say, “Jill, you and I seem to have different preferences about when the dishes get done or beliefs about when they should be done. I wonder if that’s something we could talk about?”

Propose Crafting a Test.

Don’t Monopolize: Both Sides Can Have Strong Feelings at the Same Time.

Sometimes the most genuine thing you can do is share your internal struggle to cast them in a more positive role. You can say something like, “The story I’m telling in my head about what is going on is that you are being inconsiderate. At some level I know that’s unfair to you, and I need you to help me put things in better perspective. I need you

by demonstrating that you understand what they are saying and how they are feeling.

And however it goes, you should have follow-up conversations to check in and, if necessary, look for new ways to cope.

you need a transition sentence, something that acknowledges that you’re beginning to understand his view on this, and that you want to share yours.

Accusing Them of Bad Intentions Creates Defensiveness.