These are questions I made for a friend to ask her love interest, but they were further along and she wanted to understand how she could make him feel loved.

Questions you can ask:

- What are some examples of moments in your life where you felt the most loved, and why? Or deeply held? Or deeply safe? (It's better to ask for concrete examples from the past than hypotheticals about the future, they will be closer to the truth, similar to when you do user interviews about a product.)

- ⁠What is something your parents did not do for you but you wish they had? Optional: What are things you're grateful that your parents did?

- ⁠Which love language did you miss the most in past relationships?

- ⁠What is something you wish more people would ask you?

- ⁠What is something you're scared others will find out about you?

- ⁠I really like these traits about you. How did you become this wonderful person with all of these traits? Please give me the long version, your whole origin story.

- ⁠(If you want to know a person's values ask them about what's meaningful to them, but again ask about concrete examples from the past, or else they might get lost in ideals that only exist in thought.) What are some examples of the most meaningful moments in your life? Moments you felt that something meaningful happened or something gave you a sense of meaning?

Kat Vellos • We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships