We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships

my ultimate goal is that no matter where I live, I’ll be able to have kinship-level friendships and experiences of deep belonging, face to face too.

If something has gone sideways in your friendship, ask your friend to tell you what they’re feeling and thinking. Then be quiet and listen. Resist the urge to interrupt, defend, or answer back. Let them get out everything they need to say. After you clarify that you’ve understood them correctly by repeating back what you heard, ask, “Is it okay if

opening. If it’s something you really want to talk about, practice asking people questions like, “What was it like making friends when you moved here?” or “Can I ask you a question—what’s your experience of friendship like these days?”

For one week, every time you think about looking something up online, ask someone instead. You can tell them about your experiment so they don’t think you’re a total weirdo. Ask them if they know the answer—and they’re not allowed to look on the internet either. Have a conversation about it. Share your best guesses. Have the conversations you would

If you’re not in the habit of developing relationships that foster intimacy and reciprocal care, who will you turn to on a hard day when you just want a hug and to be listened to while you cry it out?

“A true friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else.”

When you find out a friend has recently returned from a trip (or got a new job, moved to a new city, etc.), ask your friend for the director’s cut. Inquire about the details they haven’t posted online. Ask questions about the things that don’t make it into the photos: moments that were difficult or tinged by worry or moments that were just flat-out

When you feel like you need to ask a friend for support, look inside to identify what type of support you need. When you ask for help, try to be specific about what kind of help you want. It can be frustrating to speak to a friend about a problem when we want emotional support (listening, nurturance, empathy) yet the other person starts offering in

Only about half of Americans get to have meaningful in-person interactions, such as an extended conversation with a good friend, every day.