Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

Unsafe people are religious instead of spiritual.

He knew that he had to be connected somewhere, grounded somewhere, since everything in his life had disappeared. All

“You’ve meant a lot to me. Help me know what you need, and what part I can play with my own resources.”

Feeling disconnected. Intimacy is built on sharing weaknesses, and friendship involves sharing vulnerabilities.

over and over again of people who have received safety then found ways to help others, such as non-Christians

Because the irresponsible has problems in delaying gratification, he or she often becomes alcoholic, addicted to sexual gratification, and in debt.

5. Unsafe people only apologize instead of changing their behavior.

no one is perfect. Safe people will at times stumble and be “unsafe” for, after all, they are sinners too. So do not expect perfection.

Unsafe people will never identify with others as fellow sinners and strugglers, because they see themselves as somehow “above all of that.” This “I’m better than you” dynamic produces a lot of shame and guilt in people who are associated with this type of unsafe person.