Sonya Sukalski
@sonyasukalski
Retired in 2022. I enjoy writing, gardening, hiking, biking, and new ideas.
Sonya Sukalski
The fatigue of grief is fucking staggering.
Rob Delaney • A Heart That Works
I wish I knew more the context for this quote, and I thank whoever it was that put Rob Delaney’s book on my radar! It has been hard to account for the fatigue. It feels like I do nothing but wait around in the transfusion clinic or at the hospital. And then give up more of what I thought made my life fulfilling. Not that those things really do, or that they are more important than being with my spouse through his bone marrow transplant story. But yeah, the fatigue is real.
I think that most people who say, “Everything happens for a reason,” can fuck off to a frigid cave,
Rob Delaney • A Heart That Works
Every cancer doctor has said some version of, “we don’t know what causes cancer. No two cancers are exactly the same. Certain genes are turned on or off, and we don’t know why.” They also say, “There will be plenty of things to worry about later, so don’t try to do all the worrying right now. We work as a team during the transplant, and when you are in the hospital, because there are better outcomes all around.” What they don’t say is hopefully the one with cancer also has a team. We certainly do, and I have taken a deep dive into gratitude because of it. The neighbors bringing: gluten free everything bagels, roasted chicken, potatoes and carrots, stuffed peppers, vegan chili, vegan chickpea stew, cookies, hangar steak with mushrooms, green beans, broccoli, polenta… Friends checking in, sending poetry, funny and inspiring videos, stories, messages of encouragement. Family checking in much more than usual, offering to come and help with the care-giver responsibilities, helping with the every day chores, telling me about new resources. Friends taking me to tea, organizing a meet at a nearby brewpub, offering for us to stay at their house near the hospital, bringing pumpkins to carve, and offering to come sing Christmas songs.
People underestimate compounding and long games. When people think “that’s not possible”, “you can’t do that”, “that won’t work”, it’s often because they’re imagining something like 5 years, 10 years. Things get very different when you have 50 year plans
Visakan Veerasamy • visakanv's 50yr "plan" for global nerd network [wip]
Have you heard this story: Woman learns she has cancer, six months to live. Within days she quits her job, resumes the dream of writing Tex-Mex songs she gave up to raise a family (or starts studying classical Greek, or moves to the inner city and devotes herself to tending babies with AIDS). Woman's friends think she's crazy; she herself has never
... See moreSteven Pressfield • The War of Art
I wonder how doing what we love affect the very ability of our body to heal, to turn genes on and off, to become more resilient, body, mind, and soul?
Too often, we view the fight as an unalloyed virtue. Instead of sharing our preferences and desires before we get ill (as though it’s some sort of bad luck charm), we simply hope for the best and then wait far too long (and create too much family stress) before embracing the next step in our journey.
Seth Godin • Palliative care
We send people away for years, tell them exactly what to do every day and they get to make exacrly one choice every day: do you obey or not? That's the only choice you get to make. Then, after 3, 5, 10 years, we send them out into society and tell them, "Make better choices." But we haven't prepared them for that at all. We have given them almost... See more
In our society, the spaces for adults to play are mostly constrained, for example, to sports, or going to the pub. And opportunities to live a life of imagination are reserved for exceptionally privileged people, like designers, actors, artists and film directors. This lack of imagination in our lives is an existential risk for society and... See more
Medium • Rewilding the Imagination
But having an enviable career is one thing, and being a happy person is another.
Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. Ambition is... See more
Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. Ambition is... See more
Bill Watterson • SOME THOUGHTS ON THE REAL WORLD BY ONE WHO GLIMPSED IT AND FLED
One of the things about the Valley that I find outsiders miss the most is that it feels like it's all moving so fast, and yet, any of the important companies or any of the important products take a decade or more to build. Everything important takes a long time, so a lot of it actually feels quite slow. Long-term orientation is absolutely... See more