Sublime

Give them a stake in the outcome by making sure they participate in the process.

Pay attention to “core concerns.”

Seek out and discuss the principles underlying the other side’s positions.

Behind opposed positions lie shared and compatible interests, as well as conflicting ones.

Few things facilitate a decision as much as precedent.

“Look, we’re both lawyers [diplomats, businessmen, family, etc.]. Unless we try to satisfy your interests, we are hardly likely to reach an agreement that satisfies mine, and vice versa. Let’s look together at the problem of how to satisfy our collective interests.”

However difficult personal relations may be between us, you and I become better able to reach an amicable reconciliation of our various interests when we accept that task as a shared problem and face it jointly.

A principled negotiator neither accepts nor rejects the other side’s positions.