Sublime

Byron refused to act in a manner befitting a gentleman about to get his afternoon shave. I gave up and spurted some cream on his face, clumsily spreading it around like a creepy toddler finger-painting in the Twilight Zone.

“And he paddled away in his douche canoe,” Bilbo said.

Mark Twain is often quoted as having said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble, it’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

This is what I would say if I could, to all smart people of the world with their dumb hillbilly jokes: We are right here in the stall. We can actually hear you.

Je ne plaisante pas. Je ne plaisante jamais. Plaisanter les gens, c'est le meilleur moyen de se faire des ennemis. C'est toujours ce que je dis. – Vous avez raison, dit Brett. Vous

Duke's--we tell each other the most absurd stories with the most serious faces.

When I hear leaders say “our vision” and I know they are really describing “my vision,” I recall Mark Twain’s words that the official “we” should be reserved for “kings and people with tapeworm.”