Sublime

Many of us grew up with one parent who was an abuser and one who was our caretaker. The first abandoned us in the midst of their addiction, whether it was alcohol, sexual acting out, workaholism or something else that took them from us. The other parent seemed to hold things together, and we were grateful. But we were often drawn into their addicti

Nicole and Eric’s marriage survived because they both learned to defuse the winner-loser dynamic that characterized their fights and become more authentic with each other.

I’m not living in the present. And, again, when you do that, the person who victimized you wins. That is the ultimate tragedy.

“After encountering the concept of the Emotional Distress Syndrome, I was able to acknowledge in therapy how much I felt like a screw-up, for so many years, that I just couldn’t do anything right. From there, I could see how those years of self-doubt, self-criticism and frustration took a toll on my self-esteem and self-worth. This acknowledgement

The impact on a marriage is also devastating, but only the trained eye can spot the damage. On the surface, the adaptive individual looks normal, and everything is always fine. If the surface is scratched, however, it’s a whole different story. It is hard to trust this partner. You never know what is real about her. You don’t know if she is doing w

“The first step toward healing in mind and body is knowing what you’re dealing with — identifying the unresolved trauma.”

had to examine why I would spend years in abusive relationships. I had to overcome my fears and learn that I am worthy of being in relationships with people who are good to me—without putting me on a pedestal or tossing me into the gutter.