Sublime

There is also the loss of self. There is a loss of self-esteem, hopes and happiness, and self-identity or feeling like you deserve better. When your identity has been steadily eroded throughout the relationship, you may only feel a strong sense of identity in connection to the abuser.

that no contact boundary put up when you left has to remain iron-clad and not crossed–from either side.

Face the trauma. This may require either a person in your support network (to be touched on later), or a professional. To go on with your own life, throwing the abuser’s things out may not be enough. You’ll still be living with the scars. Face all that happened, all that was taken away, and ground yourself in healthy ways. Once you can do that,

Don’t try to get even. As tempting as it may be to beat them at their own game or to get even, it isn’t worth the energy. The narcissist has been doing what they do their entire lives, and are experts in the field of pain and hurt. Going up against them at their own game is like a lightweight boxer going up against the heavyweight world champion.