Unconditional love can lead to unconditional tolerance. Loving

Abusers aren’t always abusive because it doesn’t serve them to abuse everyone. It does not minimise their abusive behaviour towards you, and it is not a reflection of your worth; it is a protection of their image.

Ruminating on how much you’ve invested in the abuser is an attempt to avoid feelings of shame, regret and loss.

The bottom line is, in a healthy relationship you shouldn’t have to think five steps ahead, walk on eggshells, anticipate their mood, take blame for all tensions, read their mind, apologise for their behaviour and fear they may stop loving you from one day to the next.

It is through small gestures, such as showing compassion, giving a hug, or dedicating time, we feel most loved. It is the culmination of these small but significant actions which convey the presence of love. Conversely, controlling actions feel least loving as they prevent authentic connection. We can see how the abusive relationship is starved of

The crucial element to consider is the abuser’s mentality. Whilst they hold an abusive mindset, they will absorb your love and use it to further manipulate and abuse you.

You cannot love the abuser into being kind.

might feel you are applying conditions to them receiving your love, in the same way they have applied conditions on you.

If you have learned your love is only good enough when you forgo personal boundaries, this leads to further shame and confusion when you attempt to set healthy boundaries and no longer tolerate abuse. You