Sublime

Her identity was based on pleasing others and the fear of not being liked if she didn’t. In her experience, she was not a real person who deserved respect and who, without any fabrication or effort, was lovable.

Vulnerability is usually attacked, not with fists but with shaming. Many children learn quickly to cover up any signs of weakness, sensitivity, and fragility, as well as alarm, fear, eagerness, neediness, or even curiosity. Above all, they must never disclose that the teasing has hit its mark.

This early training to “be nice” causes women to override their intuitions.

Wendy Behary is a top expert in the field, the author of the book Disarming the Narcissist, and a specialist in schema therapy, a therapy developed specifically for people with NPD.