Personal limits are not about controlling or changing other people’s behavior. In fact, they’re not about other people at all. They’re about you, and what you need to do to take care of yourself.

Certain hot buttons get pushed so many times that even the slightest touch becomes painful. Hot buttons for you may include: being unfairly accused by your loved one having needs, feelings, and reactions discounted or denied by them

Kreger writes, “Own your choices. Recognize that you decide how to respond to the people, actions, and events in your life. You have choices—not necessarily fun ones, but choices nonetheless.

Memorize the three Cs and the three Gs: I didn’t cause it. I can’t control it. I can’t cure it. get off their back. get out of the way. get on with your own life.

According to The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells, by coauthor Randi Kreger,

What’s left when we must consistently walk on eggshells with someone is superficial small talk, strained silences, and lots of tension. When safety and intimacy are gone from a relationship, we get used to acting. We pretend that we’re happy when we’re not. We say that everything is fine when it isn’t. What used to be a graceful dance of caring and

Fact: There is a big difference between loving, supporting, and accepting the person and loving, supporting, and accepting their behavior. In fact, if you support and accept unhealthy behavior, you may be encouraging it to continue and perpetuating your own suffering.

Wendy Behary is a top expert in the field, the author of the book Disarming the Narcissist, and a specialist in schema therapy, a therapy developed specifically for people with NPD.

If someone with NPD doesn’t get enough admiration and attention, they feel like they will wither away, like a vase of flowers in a hot closet. Often they respond to this lack of narcissistic supply by lashing out at others.