Sublime

what matters most is to restore their desire to learn by offering them stimulating problems carefully tailored to their current level.

At Garfield Elementary, kindergartners sit in a circle and discuss conflicts with parents at home and how to respond to them. “Mommy, I don’t like when you scream at me,” a five-year-old boy learns to express through role play, with help from his peers.

Without Mother as an effective modulator, we don’t learn to effectively manage our emotions.

It takes courage to face our fears about the future. It also takes humility to accept that we don’t often know what’s in our kids’ best interest. It takes a change in mindset to focus on ourselves—our own emotions and attitudes—as an extremely important element of our child-rearing.

Children need time to become themselves—through play and social interaction. If you overwhelm a child with stuff—with choices and pseudochoices—before they are ready, they will only know one emotional gesture: “More!”

Here’s the thing: When our aim is to tenderize the hearts of our children so they will want to obey, sending them out of our presence in frustration sends the wrong message.

Alternatives to Punishment 1. Point out a way to be helpful. 2. Express strong disapproval (without attacking character). 3. State your expectations. 4. Show the child how to make amends. 5. Offer a choice. 6. Take action. 7. Allow the child to experience the consequences of his misbehavior.