Sublime

women are often more motivated by fear of loss than men are, less willing to take risks.

My hope is that understanding these influences will lead us to better understand ourselves and, most important, to complete the developmental tasks and heal the injuries that resulted from insufficient mothering.

this was the scaffolding underneath these endless conflicts.

“The earlier the unresolved need, the less capable we are as adults of sustaining our sense of well-being when that need is not fulfilled by another.”

I saw that deeper emotions like sadness and straight “terror,” as one client put it, still hadn’t really been dealt with. My couples were still watching their backs.

Our work is an intricate dance between support and confrontation.

Balance coaching starts by observing that there is a limiting perspective, and then naming it and exploring the impact of holding it.

To call attention to the feelings and needs underneath painful interactions, we not only unpack the couple’s external, interpersonal dynamics, we also unpack their internal, intrapersonal dynamics, which motivate protectors. As long as protectors keep activating over the course of therapy, we track their interactions.

This early training to “be nice” causes women to override their intuitions.