Sublime

Children may know what they want, but it is dangerous to assume that they know what they need. To the peer-oriented child it seems only natural to prefer contact with friends to closeness with family, to be with them as much as possible, to be as much like them as possible. A child does not know best. Parenting that takes its cues from the child’s

Attachment theory is based on the assertion that the need to be in a close relationship is embedded in our genes. It was John Bowlby’s stroke of genius that brought him to the realization that we’ve been programmed by evolution to single out a few specific individuals in our lives and make them precious to us.

Built into our human brains from birth is an intense need for attention and understanding from our parents.

So weiß der innere Erwachsene zumeist sehr genau, dass sein Verhalten schädlich ist und er damit aufhören sollte. Aber das Schattenkind will unbedingt sofort (!) belohnt werden und sich sofort (!) gut fühlen. Gerade orale Süchte wie Essen, Trinken und Rauchen üben auf das innere Kind eine ungeheuer tröstliche und beruhigende Wirkung aus.

“The earlier the unresolved need, the less capable we are as adults of sustaining our sense of well-being when that need is not fulfilled by another.”

Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, Dr. Jonice Webb

mother substitutes, and best friends.

Children and infant animals have virtually no capacity for biological self-regulation; their internal biological states—heart rates, hormone levels, nervous system activity—depend completely on their relationships with caregiving grown-ups.