Sublime

I look at the blue cross and decide I will let it be. I will stop deeming myself unworthy of invitations and trust the inviter. I will test out the ridiculous, nonsensical possibility that somehow, in some way I can’t yet see, I will rise to meet this call. Yes, my soul says,

Together we have been deconstructing the anxiety, guilt, and self-abnegation that are the legacy of the nice girl. Lena would love to become bold enough not only to know what she likes but to be able to ask for it.

Alice Walker wrote, “HELPED are those who love others unsplit off from their faults; to them will be given clarity of vision.” This language has such an impact on me because it suggests that faults, aberrations or oddities in our personality are part of our intactness, and that splitting them off is a disservice to others and to ourselves.

Just for this hour, I invite my real self forward to speak her pain, anger, love, and loss. I never miss this morning appointment with myself, because I can tell something important is happening in my closet. After I write, I feel calmer, healthier, and stronger.