Sublime

Step One: Prepare by Walking Through the Three Conversations

rather than assuming we already know everything we need to, we should assume that there is important information we don’t have access to.

But the “wells . . .” seemed to miraculously disappear when discussing people similar to the leaders. And, if “wells . . .” did arise, suddenly leaders were more solution oriented. They could put their finger on exactly what was needed. Sample responses included for those aligned with the core group: “He’s a hard charger and puts in the extra work.

Make It Safe for Them Not to Answer

If nothing else, you will be better able to separate the substantive disagreements from the importance of the relationships.

Step back and look at the problem from the perspective of a disinterested observer. Imagine that you are a consultant called in to help the people in this situation better understand why they are getting stuck. How would you describe, in a neutral, nonjudgmental way, what each person is contributing?

Find the Feelings Lurking Under Attributions, Judgments, and Accusations